A Little Normal

 I’ve been quiet. I can list a million reasons why, but none in particular are the sole reason for my silence. 

I have my family, work, Matt’s appointments, I still moonlight doing consulting work. I thought burying myself in a cycle of nonstop normal routine would give me back something I’ve been lacking. Truth is there is nothing normal about life right now. 

We went out to dinner, had our friends over afterwards to hang out. Something we would’ve done regularly before cancer came knocking. It felt fantastic to just talk about all things non-cancer, yet it still wasn’t the normal we once had. 

I sat down for lunch today and I had an exchange with a fellow mom, a fellow “cancer wife”. She’s been here, she’s lost her shit like I have, she’s fought the fight. Her story isn’t my place to share. But, I think she’ll read this. So she deserves to know she is an INSPIRATION. I left that lunch, feeling more normal than any routine could’ve inspired. 

It didn’t matter that Matt called me frantic while I was driving home, or that I had to bleach the bathrooms and the floors when I got home. I didn’t care that I had to repaint the bathroom trim. Or rip the carpeting off the basement stairs. I never mind doing what I have to, that’s love. I love him enough to not be bothered by any of it, I just want him better. This time the tasks were even easier though. Because I had found someone who could relate to those weird things that come with my circumstances.

I have a post that’s been sitting unpublished. It’s called “Dr. Stark, Not To Be Confused With Tony”. I’ll probably publish is tonight, after this one. I don’t know why I haven’t yet. I guess I just don’t want to put our plan out there so that the universe can literally hang me with my own hope. Then again, I’ve said it a million times… without hope we’d have nothing. And without a little normal, I’d have no hope.