Keep On Keeping On

 I’ve gotten quite a few texts, people waiting with baited breath to know how yesterday’s appointment went. I haven’t known how to approach it. We got a different answer then we have before. “Chemo until you die.” 

It’s just not seeming to be realistic that we’ve traveled near and far for this unrequited hope. And we may find it here, at Albany Med. They have encouraged us to venture to Dana Farber in a few weeks as we originally planned. They can’t promise us anything other than they’ll explore whatever out of the box options we’re willing to entertain from any hospital we visit. 

So here we are with a sick infant at home, no one has slept. I’ve taken the kids to the doctors. I’ve  run the shower. I’ve sat with them in the steam. Ive forced the Tylenol and cradled the baby while she coughs and chokes, hugged the other while she whines. It’s a bump in the road in the scheme of everything else, but it still sucks. 

Matt has so many factors and complications with his condition. It seems unreal considering he never even came down with a sniffle all the times myself or Couraira were basically incapacitated with illness. Now with the kids getting sick I pray he stays healthy. So we can keep on fighting. 

So there’s hope in the fact that they aren’t giving up. And neither are we. There are possibilities out there. I wrote them all down and ran them all by the surgeon we trust at Albany Med. He agreed with my research and we will consult an Interventional Radiologist. 

My husband has to keep his fighting spirit. He needs to make it through three more chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatments to even begin to explore options. And the options are scary. But, I don’t care. Is that terrible?! I just am glad someone told him something other than tolerate chemotherapy until you can’t. Then you’ll die. 

No one at thirty-six, with a new daughter and four year old should be thinking about dying. It’s unacceptable. So to hear ANYTHING else gives me hope. 

I’ll end this brief post with a short statement. Hug your loved ones. Because as tacky as it sounds, you’re not guaranteed even another minute alive. Start being grateful.

 I’ve struggled lately with a few things. Well a few people. I’ve decided I have to accept them for who they are and hope they can see me for me. 

If they can’t it’s their loss.That’s the new motto. I’m no martyr, and dear lord am I flawed. But, I’m doing the best I can. So I encourage you to do the same. And some days you’ll find assurance and others you won’t. Just keep on going. Keep on, keeping on.