Pre-Reflection Deflection

 I was asked to speak to other women. A small thing amongst cancer caregivers. Realistically, I’m the furthest from an expert. 

In full disclosure, I am a diehard Potterhead. A bit of a moonlighter. A lover of UGGs— no matter how many concussions they’ve assisted in (attributed to the UGG lack of tread and my lack of balance). I care what people think, except those that don’t care. I love Europe, and wine, and elective things fine. My job and work aren’t always quite one in the same. Sometimes my job isn’t work at all. 

But, I don’t claim to be an expert in much.

There’s a bunch of successful women at work. A few I value more than anything. The women I am beyond blessed to seek advice from. I have at some stage worked for them and they are nothing short of inspiring. They’re not the type to expect any recognition so they’ll remain anonymous. But, these women share qualities and sentiments that are ever so similar. 

One met me at the start of my career with the government world. She was wearing a pink dress, but later on she’d advise me red was a power color. She encouraged me to grow, to promote myself and never to settle. She has heard me out, even when she was no longer my boss. She’s been a reference for every one of my promotions and I know she would take every call, if it meant helping me continue to achieve my potential. 

The most recent met me before (and has heard me during) the worst period of my life, this period. 

I started my current job, with nothing but the highest hopes. I work with an astounding agency doing things that benefit some of our hardest working members of society. It’s here that I found my favorite job, and it’s here that I found the worthiest comparison for my first female (government) career role model that wasn’t my biological mom. 

This most recent woman is the sweetest, most admirable female I’d encountered since the first. And it’s a high standard. She has laid her expectations out, and I have admired her respectful nature. I also am in awe of the dedication to her subordinates and her career. She believes in me. She supports my choice to take one of the promotions offered to me after I have rejected perhaps one too many. She called me irreplaceable. And she believes it. That makes a mentor. 

So when asked to come mentor  group of women… some that have suffered at this journey longer than I, I wavered. Because at my own career— I am the expert. At life, at cancer, and at caretaking I am struggling. 

Keeping life “status quo” as I mentioned to Todd today (do not hate me for using your name) is my struggle. I have no idea if I even know what the heck I’m doing. But, I do know I have seven presents still to wrap and I have been gifted such wonderful female mentors. 

So I’m reflecting heavily.

And I’m so grateful. 

I suggest you find a few moments this season to do the same. 

Or drink a glass of wine. Either one works. Wine inspires reflection, just like transitioning jobs, or gathering with old friends before the holidays.