Please Hold the Petty Bullshit

I buried my grandmother last week; and her services brought me some semblance of peace. That peace lasted a day. 

There’s been some kind of nonsensical petty drama here or there for over a week. A bunch of unnecessary bullshit that I can’t stomach any longer. Unfortunately, here in this realm we have to be adults. With real problems to be handled. We know stress daily.

My husband, my kids, my parents, my family, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law— we have been hanging on the edge of our sanity. We all have been waiting to hear what the next steps will be. Now we know. Chemotherapy then Hospice. Matt will go out fighting. He’ll battle until his dying breath. The chemotherapy could kill him just as quickly as the cancer. But, we’re doing it. 

Matt says he’s ready to die. We had a very emotional weekend discussing funeral arrangements and details of his wishes. He recorded videos for our children, and for me. We’ve discussed the places he wishes us to travel in his remembrance, the things he wants me to do. I’ll never be ready to part ways, but at least I can do what he asks, and have some peace knowing he’s ready. 

Tomorrow he’ll spend six hours, in a chair starting systemic infusion. FOLFOX. He is rechallenging with FOLFOX, the first chemotherapy he endured. He’s so brave. The bravest man I’ve ever known. 

So as we face the last battle in our journey and we plan for what’s ahead. I have decided I’m not going to even ask the people who we considered family, to hold the petty bullshit. Put it away for another time. 

I shouldn’t have to ask. If you can’t see the issue in adding negative energy to a situation already traumatic enough—for all involved; then me telling you anything won’t help. 

My focus is my family. My advice is as you hug your loved ones and thank your lucky stars that you have no [known]expiration date; no arrangements to make, remember you don’t need negative energy either. 

For everyone that keeps us in their thoughts or prayers, the people that love my family—only make time for what and who truly make you happy. The people and things that blanket you in comfort and positivity are all you need. 

Life is too short.